Creative writing

all of my thoughts lately are unfinished. i cant complete them, i can barely start them. i only feel things halfheartedly. i keep stepping hesitantly and nothing is flowing correctly. everything in my life at the moment seems forced and choppy. its embarrassing. when my nerves get to the best of me, i just crash. i've been doing a lot of that lately. every time i see people i tense up. i want to apologize for my erratic behavior to others, but then i'll seem weird and over-analytical. and yea, thats probably the case. i just wish my emotions could go back to being seamless. does this even make sense?

also, another feeble attempt at making and finishing thoughts:

i wonder what my parents truly think of me. because what they say to me changes everyday. rather, what my mom says to me changes everyday. my poor father sits in the dark everyday after he gets home from work. hes sitting alone under the trees. then when my mom yells at him, he goes to bed. i vow to never get in a relationship like this. he must feel so awful all the time. i wonder what he thinks of me. is he proud of me for stepping into college? or does he just feel indifference? he made me dinner today, and for some reason it really made me happy. hes such a sad man and i just wish that he could find something or someone to make him change that. we dont interact much, and i wish i knew more about him.
my mom on the other hand changes her opinion every day that i seem to be around. im trying to stick around more and more just to make her familiar with my face so im no longer a stranger. i wonder how she feels so uncomfortable around me. i dont know, i dont know. everything is just weird.